Thought Bubbles

the long gone strawberries. the cowboy who castrated himself cause his balls got in the way. the menace of facebook. what if my mom has ovarian cancer? and what of the heirloom tomatoes? how i am afraid of goals, how i can't stick to a schedule, how i am so white bread. should be like--what was his name? oh yeah, david dorje in pharping who worked at chatral rinpoche's house all day doing whatever saraswati and the attendants told him to do, doing so many prostrations a scab formed on his forehead. and it always comes back to asia. the flowers, the sweetslice cucumbers, my sore throat, the flooding basement. how i can't break out of my writing funk. "Vag bleed"--overhearing keith's doctor talk--anthony's horrible stories of psychotic patients. missing montana. the bear ate a man. the khyentse yangsi. old faithful. heiress of quaker oats. the wolves in talia's yard stare at her domestic dogs in confusion. and eleanor's step-son and wife who keep rabbits, slaughter them every few weeks, put the pelts in the freezer. how talia and jesie shot an elk, dragged its dead body home through the woods behind them, how they hunted morels. the giant slow moving buffalo in the road. moontime. 7 cucumbers. 6 tomatoes. cofee pops. nectarine pops. herbed suntea. the circus of boulder. will i become a peon in the university library system? "So did he expire?" keith asked. making 8.50/hr working part-time with a worthless masters. anthony talking about catatonia--being frozen in panic. will i truly be okay in tibet next time? the red cords 'round the wrist. the charnel gorund of my porch. fall in the air. and someone just shot themselves in the head. i told k i hoped they were okay. "they're not," he said.